Come on mike

Last week I was in the shower. I was on top of the world. Being a better person and having myself figured out felt good. I know what dark places I went recently. I thought about it up and down. I will never ever in a billion years behave that way again. That I am sure about.

But I was taking a shower and daydreaming about proposing. I had an idea to take her shopping at best buy were we met. We would just be doing normal shopping stuff to hide the idea behind it all. I'd take her outside andt tell her I wanted pictures of us on the front sidewalk where we first met: I'd have her take my phone and take a picture of me at the building. That would be the queue for the next part. Which would be everyone we know getting out of their cars in the parking lot and lining up behind her with lit candles, I would have cinema by benny benassi in the background playing.. And I would kiss her and get down on my knee. When she said yes, everyone would cheer and take pictures. It would have been special and amazing. I even got down on my knee in the shower to add the feeling I would get to my daydream.

This week I wake up and that daydream is a long lost memory. My past actions ruined my image. And regardless of how much I have put into making myself a better lover and friend, it is all for nothing.

I will never forget this pain I'm feeling right now. It's unbearable, and I'll always love her. Always.

There was a connection, I just didn't take care of myself so long that I lost control. Too late hurts. And I lost my best friend in the world. I miss you.